Shelter and service provider
for women and children who are
victims of domestic violence
Doing anything to be forgiven, asking for help, talking about therapy, suicide…
HOPE
I see his efforts to change, I give him a chance, I help him, I see the person I love in him again, I change my attitudes.
Finding excuses, explaining why there was an outburst: the reasons do not involve him.
RESPONSIBILITY
I’m going to believe and understand his justifications, if I could help him change, I’ll adjust to him, I have doubts about my perceptions (is it really abuse?), I feel responsible and my anger disappears.
Violent outbursts, periods of oppressive silence, intimidation, threatening looks.
ANXIETY
I feel like things are getting bad, I’m worried, I put a lot of energy into defusing the tension, I’m afraid, I feel paralyzed, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
Verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, financial.
ANGER AND SHAME
I’m humiliated, I’m upset, I feel wronged.
Violent outbursts, periods of oppressive silence, intimidation, threatening looks.
ANXIETY
I feel like things are getting bad, I’m worried, I put a lot of energy into defusing the tension, I’m afraid, I feel paralyzed, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
Verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, financial.
ANGER AND SHAME
I’m humiliated, I’m upset, I feel wronged.
Finding excuses, explaining why there was an outburst: the reasons do not involve him.
RESPONSIBILITY
I’m going to believe and understand his justifications, if I could help him change, I’ll adjust to him, I have doubts about my perceptions (is it really abuse?), I feel responsible and my anger disappears.
Doing anything to be forgiven, asking for help, talking about therapy, suicide…
HOPE
I see his efforts to change, I give him a chance, I help him, I see the person I love in him again, I change my attitudes.
Domestic violence is carried out by the male partner who takes control of their female partner. They resort to methods of manipulation. This control is part of what has come to be known as the cycle of domestic violence, consisting of 4 stages.
He wants to take control. He puts strategies in place to make you afraid of what will happen next. You feel uncomfortable, stressed, scared. A change in your partner’s mood or behaviour makes you fear a violent episode.
He takes control. Your partner subjects you to abusive words or actions. These actions can take five forms: they can be verbal, psychological, physical, sexual or financial.
Your partner tries to win you back, to keep you close to him. To do this, he justifies his actions. He may blame you or sometimes attribute the problem to an external cause. It is very rare that he takes his share of the blame or admits to his wrongdoings. You doubt what you are experiencing.
He gets you back. He might start being kind again and try to make you happy. He’s just like he was in the early days of your relationship, and you start to believe that he can change. You hope that everything works out and that he doesn’t start again. In short, the first two phases (tension building and abuse) allow the partner to take control of you, and the last two (justification and reconciliation) allow him to keep it. Over time, when the violence has truly taken hold, it is common for the violent person in the relationship to no longer even go to the effort of justifying their actions or trying to win you back.
A social worker is available 24/7 to support you, provide you with tools, listen to you and offer you guidance.
Don’t hesitate to call, the police will be there for you.
Shelter and service provider for women and children who are victims of domestic violence.
Shelter and service provider for women and children who are victims of domestic violence.